I mean I could change my name to Quentin Beanthwacker Chortlegear but I’d still be me, wouldn’t I?! When I saw the flyer my first impression was that another promoter of old was making a comeback, but the back of it stated that the event was in no way connected with Chapter 3 promotions so to say the flyer was cheeky would be an understatement, blatant fits better fair play though they are good (ooh just like they used to be). In fact this , I quote and totally agree with, ‘ravers paradise”, is another event brought to you by a DJ himself.

Talking of DJ’s have you noticed that in reviews, even more so records than raves, its become ever more popular to change the Hardcore DJ’s name in a jovial banter kinda way, well no being one to jump on the bandwagon, no siree not me, I thought I’d cane the joke, abuse it, flog a dead horse, go totally over the top, you know the stuff. Anyway as I was saying the promoter is none other than the highly talented south coaster DJ Vaginal Manoeuvre, he runs these night with his partner Russell. Anyway after delays, of which I won’t bore you with, we didn’t arrive as early as hoped, 11.30pm to be precise, 20 past if you’re gonna be like that, and we just managed to catch the end of a bangin set from the mega producers themselves, Inspector Morse and the X-Files. As they wound it down a second, louder, more rapturous round of applause was called for.

The play list on the wall helped us suss out who we missed on the night (excuse me if it was wrong as it had been on the opening night). The infamous Essential Platinum duo Ethel & Wicky had kicked the evening off, gutted I missed that, Where I come from you don’t get up out of your chair till about 11 let along het inside the rave before 12, not here though, it was already full and havin it, the crowd on the dance floor were going mad big time, with the crowds around the edge of it, in the corners, walkways, hanging from the rafters, hiding under the tables etc, having a slightly more reserved DJs. As the MC told us that people were being turned away in their droves (I don’t know about them but I came in my car!) It was good to see that this wasn’t being allowed to overfill, filled to capacity but not so much as to spoil it. It was even better to see Sterns full up and rockin to Hardcore old and new again, the sole reason I’ll always come down (selector). I jumped at the chance the second I heard it was on. I’d been to the opening night there was no way I was going to miss this one.

Next up on the wheels of steel on the witching hour, was one of the original rave masters - DJ Lip Suction, continuing with the Hardcore vibe. The sound level in the underground or ‘Dungeon arena’ I should say is good, full bass and clear crisp treble, and decor tonight was provided by Big Love, recognisable point inflatable's hanging from the ceiling (too low said my head as it got poked once or twice) and back drops etc as well, no ultra jazzy lighting and lasers though there isn’t the need or the room or the room basically, this is after all an arena buried underneath the grassy ground of Highdown Hill.

The second arena, up the stairs on the ground floor was the Old Skool room, as opposed to the Essential Platinum room last month, giving tunes from the 91-92 era the chance to be spun all night, the sound level here had also seemed to improve which enabled the people not right on the dance floor bit to dance which was good as this bit of the club is between down stairs, the outside chillout area, toilets and the bar, it made it a bit of a ‘stop off for a while’ room which was a shame but was now transformed into equal attraction. I heard Ramos, Slipmatt and Unknown all play right blinders, bringing back many a memory but I’ve gotta give my respect to DJ Quantum from HVR in Brighton for breaking from the normal Old Skool set of classics to play a set of shocking, outrageous monster tunes, if I had a hat on, fuck me would I have taken it off? Oh yes. Quite a few older bods’ had crept out of the woodwork for the night and the atmosphere was refreshing. Thanks, at this point, must go out to the matey who told me I was dancing about with a flyer stuck to my shoe.

To be honest the chillout was a bit cold for us, roll on the summer as you can’t beat a bit of malarkey and misbehaviour in the garden. Also you don’t have the worry of the cloakroom being full, fair play to the security for letting us out to drop off the coats in the car though, on the whole the security were good, friendly and in the background, not in your face, but they did seem a bit on edge, always moving people off the stairs and things, which was probably all down to it being only the second night of Obsession, chill out boys, we’re ravers, not the beer boys you encounter on other occasions1 But they have massive expectations to live up to as the old security crew at Sterns were the best lot this side of Kualalumpa. To be picky I could point out that some of the list of attractions wasn’t really given - themed stage show (just a few dancers - although they were juggles most of the night), give away, fire eaters - I never saw ‘em or the ‘special surprise’, but was I bothered? Nah not really, the music, the people/atmosphere have always been what I go for and I was certainly given a good supply of it all tonight. As I mentioned the Old Skool took over the Essential Platinum room 2, moving the latter to room 3 - ‘the first time in over 3 years that Sterns has opened up the third room’, where the bloody hell was it? Can anybody out there enlighten me - answers on the back of a packet of chocolate Hob-Nobs to the usual address, N.B. half chewed, damp, or past the sell by date entries will be void and returned and I will be forced to come round your house for a complimentary fish & chip supper.

Back to the music. The next dungeon master up on the decks was the aforementioned DJ host of the night. The rest of the list of entertainers on the night was impressive as well, you had scratching Jungle don, DJ Hype (who unfortunately was unable to attend as I understand he’s abroad), the UK’s number 1 snatch plaster - Custard Pie, and me old favourite - Slippery Postman Pat. An excellent selection of music throughout the night giving you excellent value for your £11.

I’ve got two Sterns flyers framed on my wall, one has a cruise liner on it and says ‘Voyage to Sterns - come up in style’, the second from then the club was fighting the local authorities against closure in 93, says ‘Worthing without Sterns’ in small letters at the bottom, the picture is black and completely blank. I think that says it all.

The recipe for success? The No 1 club in the fuckin Solar System and the promoters Obsession providing the people and the music, only time will tell. I tell you what though, if you’re like me and you still love your Hardcore but you adore your Old Skool or if you just like one or the other, get yourselves down there, there’s something about the place.

Mr Malarkey